(Written in November, 2020)
Dear family,
We care about you.
But we do not understand you.
Still, we want you to know -
No matter what, no matter who wins the election or how different our views might be, we will always love you and care for you and be so grateful for you, the godly lives you’ve lived and the good you have done.
Please know that when we strongly disagree with American politics, this does not lessen our respect and regard for you.
When we say, “we don’t understand you”, that is because we see you being hurt by a socio-political system that you nevertheless seem to defend. That’s confusing to us.
You say, “Biden is too socialistic.” But since leaving American, we have lived in two other developed democratic nations with free education and free health care, paid for by reasonable taxation – and these nations have rule of law, democratic elections and free enterprise capitalism just as much as USA.
Then, there is the Christian fundamentalist doctrine behind the conservative endorsement of Trump’s version of the Republican party.
On a few rare occasions, you have let your guard down enough to let us know that you have really suffered in the patriarchal system that passes for normal society in America.
We see that this system of male rule and toxic masculinity has damaged the fathers and sons in our family.
The senior men of the clan were whipped and beaten as children, a casual brutality that passed for “child discipline”. Then, in the armed forces, they received emotional and even lasting physical injuries as a result of the normalized violence that was encouraged there.
There are psychic wounds caused by the culture of men having to be the “dominator”, expected to be violent, aggressive bullies in order to “win”. The repercussions of these traumas are clear to be seen down through generations.
This toxic culture harms the tender, emotional souls of men, so that the most beautiful parts about us – the parts that make women fall in love with us, the parts that high-light our masculinity all the more – are killed off or snuffed out.
This isn’t uniform across the world. Macho culture does exist in many places, but there are still pockets where being a strong man means being a gentle man, an adventurer, a builder, a creator, an artisan, someone who knows and loves the bush and knows and loves animals, and who genuinely loves, respects and enjoys women and who adores children. A man who weeps openly, laughs a lot, loves music and dancing and sport and can pitch a tent and build a camp fire and surf and rock climb. A good organizer, self-disciplined, well-mannered, and kind – who makes others feel safer, and accepted, just be being there.
Trump was sent by his brutal, abusive father to military school, where he was programmed to be a bully. Biden was not a bully – rather, he was himself bullied because of his speech impediment.
Can you not see that the adult sons of our family are nothing like Trump? You raised us to be upright men with values like Biden. Your own sons are like Biden – well-mannered men who deplore bullying, coarse, toxic masculinity – whether it’s in inter-personal relationships or in matters of foreign policy.
Why would you vote for Trump, when it’s men like Trump your damaged your menfolk? Why would you not vote for Biden when your own sons embody the values Biden models?
So, we do understand why you would continue to support the false doctrine of “male headship” – the idea that the man is the head of the house and the wife must submit. (The Bible makes it clear that leadership in marriage is shared and submission is mutual).
It seems like you are trauma-bonded to systems and doctrines that are harmful to you.
There was the time when you supported a local church leader who was accused of child sexual abuse – because he was a “man of God”. It is hard to fathom that on some level, you might have wondered whether the young victims of this man (and their horrified parents) were telling the truth, and that propping up male authority, no matter what, is wrong – and not the heart of God.
See this list of names – you would recognize many. These are the kinds of men you have always been taught to respect and obey. You have been taught that you cannot criticize them or speak against them … no matter what they do. This “touch not the Lord’s anointed” idea of prioritizing the rights of men over the rights of their victims has cause sexual assault and pedophilia to be rampant throughout the leadership of the evangelical church, no less than in the Catholic church.
The lop-sided teaching in the evangelical church, as right-wing fundamentalists harnessed Christianity for their “culture war” (really about preserving white supremacy, as well as male supremacy) has basically “groomed” and brain-washed much of the church to accept a venal, immoral, corrupt psychopath like Trump.
Now it seems like you can’t speak against or question Trump … no matter what he does.
This didn’t start with Trump or with Coronavirus.
It started with teaching women that they must submit and stay in destructive marriages no matter what, and other doctrines that cause cognitive dissonance – when you have to do something that feels really, really wrong “because it’s Biblical”, or because it’s “God’s will”, or it’s the latest doctrine getting taught by a church that is almost exclusively run by men.
Remember the fundamentalist church we attended with you? The women had to wear doilies on their heads. They preached that men got to be in charge and women had to submit. They taught an authority hierarchy of “God – Pastor – Husband – Wife – Children – Pets”. Whatever other problems you might have had with that particular church, I don’t remember if you ever objected because it was so sexist.
If the American church is going to swallow the false doctrine of male “headship” for all those years, what other delusions might they swallow? For decades now, genuine but gullible Christians have been groomed to get them used to disinformation and delusion.
For example, spanking children. You have to totally shut down your instincts and natural inclinations to believe the spanking children is how to show them love and care and how to train them well.
Or another example: climate change denialism. To believe that God is blessing unfettered capitalism when it is causing ecocide takes incredible loopdy-loops of logic. This contributes people to increasingly losing touch with reality.
End-stage capitalism is an immoral disaster of greed and exploitation. But all we hear about is the “evils” of socialism! Meanwhile, the rich get richer and the middle class and poor get more and more marginalized. That is not the Gospel!
Another example is the issue of abortion. Escalating prejudice and aggression against child-bearing women with draconian anti-abortion laws does not “save babies” but actually drives the abortion rates higher. In their bones, surely most women must sense that sexism, porn and rape culture contributes to abortion rates. International example shows that free, legal, rare abortion results in the very lowest abortion rates – 5:1000 in Holland and Switzerland, versus 13 – 27:1000 in USA. Out-lawing abortions completely only drives abortion rates up, as well as increasing suffering for women. Even so, many American Christians believe the pro-life rhetoric and become single issue voters, voting against their intuition.
We not interested in a “pro-life” position that is only for performative self-righteousness. We want a pro-life policy that really does meet the needs of child-bearing women and truly does bring abortions rates down to the lowest possible levels.
The sharpest decline in abortion rates was during Obama’s funded health care days.
When will American humble itself to learn from best international example and evidence?
Or is it more about controlling women, than saving babies?
Christians in America have been misled by domineering men in the conservative church for a long time. This unchallenged religious sexism, and barely concealed racism, has conditioned Christians to accept lies, prejudice and disinformation.
Now we are
seeing a church that is blatant in its contempt for women, black and brown
people, the poor and immigrants and refugees.
We can understand Christians voting for moderate, centrist parties like the Republican party of old.
What we can’t understand is why anyone would vote for a con-man like Trump or, worse still, the manipulative so-called “Christian” men who created Trump in their own image.
Trump is a corrupt, incompetent con-man who has deluded and deceived a whole nation.
It is like watching all your friends and family trapped in a cult, but the cult is the whole country.
It is disheartening to watch people we thought were Christians, supporting this man, and inadvertently supporting such terrible values of sexism, racism, capitalist excess and greed, and contempt for the poor.
The church has lost its way. It’s unrecognizable as a church that bears the name of Jesus.
We do not want to see the American church become a club for white, male supremacy.
As a white, male, American Christian, I will have nothing to do with this false doctrine and I stand against the hi-jacking of Christianity by these greedy, arrogant and self-serving men.
It is not surprising that many former Republicans are now voting for Biden, or that there are many Republicans who want their moderate, conservative party back.
We are concerned that the escalation and polarization in USA is deliberate, and that it is tactic to implode your democracy.
We know that you are good, decent people of conscience, but we don’t understand how you and so many American friends and colleagues could become so deluded as to think that Trump is anything but a destructive megalomaniac who is dragging your country into fascism, hatred, prejudice and civil war.
What has happened under Trump has caused the nation to become more polarized than I have ever seen it before. The last time I saw photos of frenzied guys forming a caravan of pickup trucks waving flags and breathing out violence was in the Middle East!
The Kingdom of God is NOT the kingdom of this world. It cannot be built through winning a “culture war” or through political machinations, or God forbid, through outright violence.
We are to seek first his Kingdom AND HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS, which is always expressed in God’s justice: caring for the widows, orphans, refugees, the poor, fair wages for workers and integrity in the courts.
My home country now seems like the school cafeteria when it all goes quiet as the kids watch the long hand slowly approach 12 … when the food fight begins. Except this is not a fun food fight. This could end up as total bedlam with people going around shooting each other and destroying themselves. This is utterly ridiculous and has caused the U.S.A. to become the laughing stock of the world. A once powerful and respected nation and now all we can do sit tight and wait for the food fight to begin.
We have tried to share our heart as honestly as we can. We are praying for you, and we are praying for the USA.
We may not see eye to eye, but I want you to be assured that we do really care about you and we know you are good people with good hearts, and we will never lose sight of that, and we will not let politics come between us.
God bless you and keep you and bring you peace and comfort.
